My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
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