HIV tests are more positive than that guy
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
