he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
