I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
