Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
