I accidentally burped into my bong.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
