wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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