No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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