I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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