Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
