Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
