So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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