If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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