I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
