I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
