Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
