on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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