Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
