is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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