Walk of Shame. In a state park.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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