I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
