I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
