I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
