You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
