Don't make out with my wife yet
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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