...so i touched it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
