It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
