he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
