We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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