if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
