does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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