This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
