I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
