Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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