needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
