i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
