I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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