I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
