Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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