he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
