1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
