drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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