White coat. Heels.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
