I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
