I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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