She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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