you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
