how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
