You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize