If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
