I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
