I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
