it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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