So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So here I am, sexting at work.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
