laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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