i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
