Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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