ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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