Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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