Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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