pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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