i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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