Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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