he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
