Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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