Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
