i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
