I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
