Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
