I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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