96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
