I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
