i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
