I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
