Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
