my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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