Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you still have your period?
I cockslap morals
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
